Family, love & grief
Landon, Morgane, and the Love We Carry
On September 15, 2023, my son Landon married Dr. Morgane Bigeard in Oléron, France. It was an amazing celebration.
Brenda had planned a couple of months in Spain and France before the wedding. It gave us time around an occasion we were all looking forward to.
Little did we know that just over three weeks after their wedding, Landon and Morgane would both be gone, killed in a catastrophic car crash in France.
I had lost my parents and my older brother years before. I knew something about loss. But nothing prepared me for losing my only son.
It has not been an easy journey.
The “what ifs” and the “if onlys” are difficult companions. There are things you wish you could change, even while knowing you cannot.
I still miss him. It still hurts.
Along the way, a few things have helped me live with that grief.
One is my understanding that we are more than these bodies. I believe the real part of us, the Divine Spark within, never dies. Our lives are temporary expressions of the same Divine Source.
That understanding matters deeply to me. It doesn’t take away the pain of Landon’s absence, but it gives me a way to hold his life, and Morgane’s, within something larger than the years they had here.
Another is the support around me.
Having Brenda beside me, and friends and community who surround us with care, makes a huge difference. Grief can be emotionally turbulent. Having people with whom I can be honest helps me through it.
I’m also more aware of how briefly we are here. A flicker in time, really.
That thought can feel painful. It also helps me consider how I want to spend the time I have.
I want to honour Landon and Morgane in my daily life. For me, that means trying to be the best person I can be: loving the people around me, showing kindness, and being more thoughtful about what matters.
I am so thankful for the time we had together.
The photograph of Landon and me barbecuing in France holds one of those moments. Father and son, standing beside a barbecue. An ordinary part of our time together that means so much to me now.
Life continues to bring both sorrow and joy.
My daughter, Veronica, recently had her second child. We have had moments of grieving together and moments of celebrating together. Both belong to our family’s life.
Losing Landon and Morgane has made me appreciate my family and friends even more. I know how precious it is to spend time together, and how little we can assume about tomorrow.
I want to remember that while those moments are happening.
To listen. To express love. To make time for the people I care about.
It also reminds me to be gentle with others. We rarely know the full weight someone is carrying, even when we see them often. There may be grief, worry, or difficulty behind a conversation that seems perfectly ordinary.
I’m still learning how to live with this loss. I can miss my son deeply and feel grateful for our time together. I can grieve Landon and Morgane and still celebrate the lives unfolding around me.
My hope, in sharing this, is that we take a little less for granted.
We have this time together, however long it may be. I want to use mine to express more love, kindness, and understanding.
That is one way I can honour them.